Catching Stars...Our Way.

If you had told me one year ago that my life would be where it is now, I'd probably laugh at you, loudly, to your face.

Sure. Life wasn't easy. It had it's fair share of the every day struggles that a young couple with a one year old and a baby-on-the-way faces. When you add in a terrible job, living with the in-laws, and the sometimes mundane lifestyle that we chose to live, life would be far from easy. But I never thought that my high school sweetheart and I would go our separate ways to live separate lives with separate identities...and I never thought that I'd be back in with the in-laws (my parents), and I NEVER thought I'd be a single mom.

So, when our relationship got more and more difficult, and the last straw was reached, I decided it was time for my high school sweetheart and I to part ways. The details don't need to be recounted over the internet, but I came to the conclusion that sometimes, love isn't enough. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you love the person and how much you're willing to do for them and your marriage--they have to want it too, and your best isn't what they need.

The beginning was impossible. I had to learn to cry, to let myself feel every raw and painful emotion that goes along with a completely broken heart. I felt alone, lost, and abandoned. I was confused, and didn't understand why my Heavenly Father would allow me to go through that trial. How did he expect me to live through that? I knew that I wasn't strong enough to do it, and I knew that I was at my breaking point.

And then something unexpected happened.

I survived.

I woke up every morning, when I didn't think I had it in me. When I had sworn that it was impossible and that I wasn't strong enough, I proved myself wrong. I couldn't just stop living because things didn't go the way I had dreamed. Life goes on.

Through that first little while, I really learned what it was to rely on our Heavenly Father. I had to learn to trust him when my trust had been broken beyond belief. I prayed every day. I prayed when I woke up in an empty bed, when I was fixing breakfast for my toddler, when I nursed the baby, when I took the kids on walks to get out of the apartment, when I did the grocery shopping, laundry, made dinner for my son and I, went to bed alone...I prayed more then then I ever have in my entire life. I prayed all through packing up our apartment which we had just moved into less than a month before. I prayed while looking at the half empty closet with so much hurt, that I was clinging to myself in order not to have all the sadness cave in over me.

I read my Patriarchal blessing, which promised happiness beyond belief if I did the things I knew I should do. I read scriptures, listened to conference talks, and bore my sole to people who I knew would listen, no matter how many times I repeated myself.

Everything took time. Slowly, like everything else, I stopped saying "why me", and through more life events that I am incredibly grateful for, it turned into a "thank you for showing me I could."

It was a blessing in disguise...that's for sure.


So why Catching Stars for a blog name? A falling star crosses the sky very quickly--so fast, that you have to usually be looking for it to see it. So, to "catch a falling star" means that one must seize an opportunity as soon as it arises and not wait any longer because the moment will be gone, and you'll be waiting until the next one. I chose to name my blog Catching Stars because I'm not only reaching for the falling/shooting ones, I'm aiming for the ones that are constant, never changing. When I felt like it was time for my boys and I to move on and lead a better life, I saw the opportunity and I took it. That was a "falling star" moment. The constant stars that I'm aiming for are deep personal goals that I have for my little family, like becoming bonded for eternity through entering a Latter-Day Saint temple and being worthy of those priveledges, and finding a companion who shares those goals and desires.

I've had so many blogs over the years, and now, I'm starting one up again to chronicle this turning point I am at in my life. It's mostly for journaling purposes...but if I can help someone out along the way, maybe all the typing will be worth it. (;